Ritualizing and Commemorating October 7

A Message from Avi Rubel, HMI CEO

It’s hard to imagine that just one year ago I was still living in Tel Aviv, waking to air raid sirens to flee to the bomb shelter. What followed has been hours, days, weeks, months of anxiety, fear, loss, and pain as we’ve all tried to process the unimaginable loss of Israeli and Palestinian lives. Saturday, October 7, 2023, was one of the most difficult days for the Jewish people in any of our lifetimes. Each of us has our own memory of that day, of where we were and how we felt.

There is a Jewish tradition to light a candle when marking a yahrzeit, a Yiddish word meaning the anniversary of a death. The yahrzeit candle burns for 24 hours and symbolizes the light the deceased brought into the world and to acknowledge that grief can feel like a flame continuously burning.

Jewish tradition shares a lot about the ways in which we process loss. In the Torah, the Jewish bible, when Aaron’s sons are suddenly and tragically killed, the text tells us that “Aaron was silent” (Leviticus 10:3). Sometimes words are simply not enough to express what we feel.

Today, I light a yahrzeit candle in memory of the innocent lives taken on October 7, and the incomprehensible loss of life in Israel and Gaza in the months that have followed.

Today, I notice that it feels strange to mark this as an event of the past because the pain of war and loss still unfolds before us each day.

Today, I remember in particular Hersh Goldberg-Polin, the beloved son of my dear friends Rachel and Jon. Rachel reminded us in her eulogy for Hersh of the power of hakarat hatov, an accounting of gratitude, and the time we were blessed to have together.

Today, even more than most days, I am grateful for each of you and for this HMI community.

Know that the HMI community and I are here for you. Whether you choose to light a yahrzeit candle today, recite the Mourner’s Kaddish, or find a prayer in our October 7 ritual guide, I hope that you are able to take a moment to reflect on the past and find hope for the future.

With hope for a peaceful future,

Avi Rubel, HMI CEO

Rosh Hashanah (the Jewish New Year), begins on Wednesday, October 2, this year with Yom Kippur (the Day of Atonement), Sukkot (festival of autumn bounty), and more following close behind. We also have the unique duty this year to balance our High Holiday celebrations with the one-year anniversary of the tragic events of October 7. This might feel like an impossible feat, but we’re here to help you through this moment. Read on for ways to ritualize and commemorate the anniversary of this horrific day and the hard year we’ve all been through together while honoring the High Holiday season.

Ritualizing October 7 Together
As we approach the first anniversary of October 7, each one of us may be holding an array of diverse emotions that take different shapes in different moments. It’s in times like this where Jewish tradition teaches us to come together in community and find pause in ritual.

Rituals help us to slow time, create space, and draw attention to the experiences in our lives. We’ve designed this ritual, grounded in Jewish tradition, for you and your HMI family to process and honor your feelings and experiences since October 7, 2023. This ritual was designed around a meal, but can be used on its own. It can also be used in bits and pieces, woven into an existing Shabbat or High Holiday gathering. Feel free to take whichever parts speak to you and incorporate them into your HMI gathering.

Ritualizing October 7 As An Individual

We gathered a few resources that are appropriate for you to use on your own to remember and grieve the tragic events of October 7 and all that has followed. Whether you choose to remember alone, with your partner, or with a group, we hope you are able to find some time to process and reflect.

• LISTEN: Music is a powerful way to process our emotions. The nonprofit M2 pairs the podcast The Israel Story with the song Yihye Tov by David Broza while providing guided reflection prompts. Listen alone or with your partner to find hope in the music. 
• CREATE: When pain and beauty go hand in hand, can you see them both? This resource from M2, featuring images of kalaniyot (Israel’s national flower), offers reflection prompts and an opportunity to express yourself through drawing. 
• PRAY: ​ Prayer can take many forms, including the prayers we hear in synagogue or quiet reflective time to meditate. The Blue Dove Foundation offers a variety of options to find a prayer or practice that feels right to you. 
• READ: Jewish tradition offers much guidance and structure around the grieving process. ReCustom’s book, First Year of Grief: A Companion for Navigating Loss, offers learnings, poems, and prayers for this period of grief. Read through to reflect or learn about Jewish customs around death, or customize this book to use with others.
• READ: Psychology student Talya Gordon explores a therapeutic response in her article, October 7th – The Jewish Collective Trauma Response. Talya considers the duality of thinking forced by the events of October 7 as well as the challenge in not finding closure to traumatic events.

Find Upcoming Events in Your Community

Atlanta
United in Remembrance and Resilience
Monday, October 7 at 7:00 pm
Sandy Springs (address provided upon registration)

Boston
An Evening of Remembrance and Hope
Monday, October 7 at 7:00 pm
The Wang Theatre (270 Tremont St, Boston, MA)

Chicago
October 7 Memorial
Monday, October 7 at 7:30 pm
Skokie and Virtual

Colorado
From Darkness to Light – MeChoshech L’Or
Monday, October 7 at 7:00 pm
Temple Emanuel (51 Grape St, Denver, CO)

Los Angeles
LA Remembers October 7
Monday, October 7 at 7:30 pm
Saban Theatre
Note: This event is currently sold out. Register here to join the waitlist and receive a live stream link to join virtually.

New York City
We (Will) Dance Again
Tuesday, October 8 at 7:30 pm
Temple Emanu-El

SF Bay Area
An Evening of Remembrance and Hope
Monday, October 7 at 7:00 pm
Freidenrich Community Park at the Oshman Family JCC

Washington DC
An Evening of Remembrance, Resilience, and Hope for a Brighter Future
Monday, October 7 at 7:00 pm
The Anthem (901 Wharf Street SW)